I'm constantly amazed at the industry that has built up around telling women how not to be themselves in order to attract a man. We are told that "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus," so we better follow "The Rules" - and if we're not getting the results we want, well, "He's Just Not That Into You" (soon to be in movie theaters starring none other than Jennifer Aniston).

Here in Los Angeles, the lovelorn turn to Dr. Pat Allen, who has been here forever and a day peddling humorous relationship gender stereotypes to the desperate and fed up.

I've never actually seen Pat Allen in person, but every few years or so, a friend will recommend her. You can tell that someone has bought into Pat Allen Think when they say things like "doing that puts you into your masculine energy" or "you need to get back into your feminine energy."

Allen's up there in age; I believe a lot of her perceptions on men and women were born out of a past generation when everyday women went to charm school and had to wear skirts all the time.

A telling quote of hers from her website states: "Men can't think and feel at the same time. So when we're having a good time on a date, we know it right away. Silly us. We think the man's been on the date with us. Truth is, it may take six to eight weeks for him to distill the experience and call us back. It's like a boa constrictor feeding off one mouse for a week."

My impression of the relationship advice out there for women distills down into: "Men are emotional morons and frightened little boys, and don't scare them by being yourself."

Hearing these things, I have seen my female friends get really caught up in ideas of how people should or should not behave in relationships. Instead of being natural and themselves, they try to conform to the ideal "feminine" in an attempt to attract the right man. They set up rigid rules of behavior in how things should "happen" in a relationship. He should do this, she shouldn't do that, this must happen, that must happen, etc. etc.

I must confess here that I can't say I know what really works - relationships can be difficult for me and I do plenty of stupid things, regularly.

But in my best relationships, there was never any question about who was taking on the "masculine" role and who was taking on the "feminine" role. None of that ever came up. I was just myself, he was just himself, we had a nice time and that was that.

Certainly, I enjoy a man treating or opening a car door for me, but I consider that to simply be polite, a nice tradition that creates a gentle framework for romance. It doesn't need to be a rigid rule or live or die situation - I've also had boyfriends where we went dutch.

My current relationship theory is to simply be myself and let the chips fall where they may. I am endeavoring to be more real and vulnerable. Sometimes this can get damn embarrassing (I just made a complete and total fool out of myself recently), but there's also something liberating about it. I have been in enough relationships to know that if you can't be yourself with your significant other, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

I have a romantic ideal that if you relate to someone on a spiritual level, you don't need to worry about "The Rules" or who's taking on what role. Be real, be honest, be open, be yourself.

Better to be alone than to be in a fake relationship where you are trying to make someone love a false image of you. If the only way you can make someone love you is by manipulating and not being yourself, what is the point? That's not love - it's an illusion.