I'm Going to My 20-Year High School Reunion

I'm going to my 20-year high school reunion in August. I have no idea how I got old enough to warrant a 20-year reunion, but there it is. I honestly did not want to go, except my former stepfather (who still lives in my home town) heard about it and wanted to see me. He is treating me for the trip, so how could I say no?

I was one of the unpopular kids in high school, and like many, I had a miserable time as a teenager. I was quite unhappy, and as one of the "smart kids," my value to many of my fellow students was someone to try to cheat off of. It was continually annoying to have people who otherwise would not give you the time of day trying to get answers from you. (And the answer was always a polite "no.")

So I'm not really looking forward to going back and opening up wounds from that rotten teenager experience I had.

Going to my reunion is going to test all of the spiritual work I have been doing in the past few years. Unlike my more mainstream peers from high school, I did not go out and live the "normal" American life. I am still unmarried, without children, living in the city, and doing energy healing, no less. I grew up in the Midwest...my life is a complete 180 from the world I grew up in.

There is that part of me that feels that I "should" be married by this age. I'm also afraid that when I go to see everyone else, they will reflect back to me how old I really am (since I seem to be really good at forgetting that). I've heard that many back in my hometown are not only married, but have been married and divorced already. Will people assume that I'm a lesbian because I don't have a husband (not that there's anything wrong with that, but, well, I'm not a lesbian)? Will they think I'm strange because I do Reiki energy healing (probably)?

But there I was, chatting on the phone with one of the few friends from high school I keep in touch with. She is married and has a baby and a husband, all those things you "should" have by the time you are almost 40. And I told her how I was feeling, that this reunion was going to test all my buttons on the "I'm not married and have no family of my own" issue. I thought perhaps people would be judging me for still being single.

Then I said to her, jokingly, "Well, at least I'm still thin."

"Oh my goodness! I have to lose 40 pounds before the reunion!" she exclaimed, and I realized then that it was all relative.

While I might envy those with a husband and a family, there will be those who envy my California lifestyle that enables me to remain fit and youthful even as I veer down that slope towards definite middle age.

For me to worry about what people from high school might think of me, when I wouldn't even want to live that safe life in the suburbs, is just old stuff coming up. As I look at it from a broader perspective, I see my upcoming reunion as a chance to reaffirm myself, to be happy with my choices, and to remember that my life isn't so bad after all.