Honoring Yourself by Honoring Your Healer's Time

I offer free coaching sessions, and I am continually amazed at how many people schedule a free session and then don't show up for it. They don't even call or email to cancel, they just blow it off. I've now written a somewhat foreboding email to people who want a sample session saying "I reserve the right to refuse service to clients who are flaky, don't follow through on their appointments, and otherwise don't seem to be committed to their healing."

I'm not anal - certainly, I understand if there's a flat tire or a mix-up. If someone is coming to see me in person, I understand that LA traffic can be rough. I allow for leeway. (Once, I went to a healer who did not want to have a scheduled session with me when I pulled up to his street precisely at the time of the appointment...this did not honor his time or mine, he said. He felt I should have been there a few minutes early. After dealing with flaky people I certainly get where he was coming from, though it's a bit stricter than my policies.)

Yesterday, I had a private Reiki training scheduled for 11 am and the student called me up at 10:50 am to cancel, saying that he had an audition that had come up for 1 pm. Understand that this appointment was not just for an hour, but a training session lasting a few hours. I had blocked out the time from 11 am to 3 pm for this person, just to be on the safe side. And then he cancels 10 minutes in advance. (A friend of mine, an actor, said to me later with some humor, "This is why people hate actors!")

Really, the student should have been here at 10:50, parking his car. It's highly unlikely that, while driving over here, he just happened to get his callback 10 minutes before his time with me, and then just drove off in the other direction. (Really, if someone was that close and then had to cancel last minute, don't you think they'd stop by to apologize and perhaps even give you some of the cash payment for your wasted time? That would be the classy thing to do at least.)

The student said on his message that he'd call me back later to reschedule, but I'm going to tell him that next time, he has to pay a non-refundable deposit if he wants to schedule time with me. I'm not holding my breath.

I've wondered to myself what goes through people's heads that they schedule something with a person and then just blow it off at the last minute. Are they just rude and inconsiderate? Are they ignorant as to the preparation it takes on the part of a coach or healer to get ready for an appointment? Are they completely disorganized and "forget"?

I believe sometimes it is all or some of the above, but I've come to another conclusion as well:

Some folks just like to sabotage themselves.

Healing is hard work. Coaching is hard work. If you want your life to be better, you have to put in the time. Contrary to the platitudes provided by some in the self-help industry, growth is not always easy. It can be quite challenging, and sometimes painful.

Get Some Help Already!
In our quick fix world, many people would rather pop a pill than do the inner work. They'd rather run from themselves than face themselves and fix things.

So when I have a potential client blow me off, I don't take it personally. Rather, I take this as a sign that this particular person is not ready to face their demons. They made some effort by contacting me, but then could not follow through.

There is also a stigma still attached to seeking help. I don't know why. I have always had more respect for people who get help, maybe because I'm one of those people. At any given time I always have some sort of coach or healer helping me.

I can't help but notice that the most screwed up people I have met over the years are the ones who refuse to get help. I've known drug addicts, alcoholics, and depressives who simply refuse to see anyone. "I can handle it," they say.

Um, no, you're not really "handling" it at all. You're just teetering on the edge more than anything.

Pride is their biggest enemy. They won't see anyone out of pride, and also out of denial.

Conquering the Little Demons
Now, as a coach, I work with people who don't have huge demons to battle such as drug addiction. I work with smaller demons such as lack of confidence, procrastination, or confusion over life purpose.

Still, people run from these little demons. They say they want to change their lives, but then they don't fully commit to it. It is, after all, easier to just let things stay the same.

But once you start the journey - whether it's with me or someone else - you learn that it's really not as bad as you thought it was going to be. Ultimately, it's easier to confront and face your demons than hide from them. Demons take on bigger shape than necessary through our fears, but they don't last under the light of truth.

For those of you who have honored my time and yours by showing up for your appointments, thank you. For those of you who have not - stop sabotaging yourself. The first step towards healing and making your life better is to make a firm appointment and stick to it. Both literally and figuratively.

I'll leave you with that.